– Raising boys who will be better men
By Ijoho Msonter
It was a calm drizzling evening that presented a beautiful opportunity to enjoy and satisfy my craving for roasted maize. I stopped by a roadside roasted maize seller, eager to enjoy a bite of roasted corn. The smell of charred maize filled the air as a young woman diligently worked her local grill. Despite her youthful beauty, she appeared worn out, her face etched with the strains of life. She was busy, hands full, tending to the flames, turning the maize, peeling fresh cobs – doing everything all by herself. I made my selections and would have to wait a few minutes for it to be ready.
About one and a half minutes into my wait, two boys, probably around 10 and 13 years old, arrived at the spot and sat casually and started engaging the woman in light-hearted conversation. From their interaction, it was clear they were her children. Yet, while their mother hustled tirelessly, these boys remained seated, oblivious to the weight she carried. I observed what was playing out and it didn’t sit right with me. I couldn’t ignore the scene before me – a mother overwhelmed with work, and her sons idly chatting. I approached them and spoke directly to the boys, rebuking them for sitting idle while their mother did all the heavy lifting. I urged them to get involved – to take the hand fan and keep the fire going, to peel the maize, to help in any way they could so their mother could focus on what truly mattered: making sure the maize roasted well.
The boys, startled by my words, reluctantly got up and started to assist. I then turned to their mother and shared my thoughts. I told her that just because they were boys didn’t mean they should be exempted from the duties at hand. Allowing them to sit by while she worked tirelessly wasn’t just about that moment – it was about the future they were shaping. This mindset that boys shouldn’t be involved in household chores or daily hustles is deeply rooted in many African communities. It perpetuates a damaging belief that men’s sole duty is to work and bring money into the home, while women carry the burden of everything else. But life isn’t just about bringing in income; it’s about shared responsibilities and contributing to the well-being of the household in every aspect.
I told the woman that if she allowed this to continue, she risked raising boys who would grow into insensitive men – men who would one day expect their wives to bear the full weight of the family’s daily struggles. I emphasized that now, more than ever, we need to raise sons who are not just providers but partners – men who understand that their role in the family is more than just earning a living. They must also be willing to share the workload, be emotionally present, and support their families in practical ways.
The truth is, raising responsible sons who will become responsible husbands and fathers begins at home. It starts with parents who recognize that household duties, nurturing, and care are not gender-specific. A well-rounded man is one who understands that his contribution to the family is multifaceted – it’s about earning, yes, but it’s also about sharing the everyday burdens, showing compassion, and being there for those he loves.
Involving boys in everyday responsibilities, whether it’s helping with cooking, cleaning, or assisting in the family business, sends a powerful message. It teaches them that a successful life is built on partnership and mutual respect. These boys will grow into men who see their wives as partners, not subordinates; who understand that life’s work is not just outside the home but within it as well.
This shift in mindset is crucial as we navigate a world where the call for gender sensitivity is louder than ever. The sons we raise today will be the husbands, fathers, and leaders of tomorrow. By instilling values of responsibility, empathy, and partnership, we are shaping a better future – one where men and women stand side by side, partnering and sharing the joys and challenges of life.
Dear Parents, it’s time to break the cycle of indifference and entitlement. Let’s raise boys who are as involved in family life as their sisters, boys who will grow into men that uplift the women in their lives rather than add to their burdens.
Our future depends on it.
